I Wish My Mom Did These…

I wish my mother took more photos of herself from when she was younger where I can see how vibrant she was, how she loved life, the friends she had fun with.  I want to see her eyes shining brightly during her wedding day when her family came up together to give her and my father a wedding.  I want to see photos of her carrying us when we were infants, when we were still toothless but still smiling for the camera.  I wish there was Facebook then so that every day I can look at the Memories and see what happened to her that day, what made her happy, what was it that made her write or share her day.

I wish Mama had a recipe book where I would be able to find her secret to the best tasting Mango cake with butter icing that until now I cannot replicate.  I wish I know how she made Brazo de Mercedes or macaroni salad where she would always put raisins that I would throw anyway.

I wish Mama took more videos.  Of herself so that during the times when I miss her terribly, I can listen to her voice and I can see her smile.

I wish she kept an address book of all the people important to her so that even if she is gone, I can still keep in touch with her friends and those that touched her lives.

I wish she kept a list of her favorites.  Her favorite songs, her favorite movies, her favorite kid (haha).  Or anything that can help me paint of picture of what she is like as a person so that I can tell Anishka about her and how wonderful she was.

I wish my Mom did these but since she was not able to, I will start doing this for my daughter.  And maybe as I write about myself, maybe, just maybe, there will be snippets of stories that I will remember about my Mom that I can share with Anishka, too.

Up-Beat

How can you not beat yourself up too much when you do things that make you feel like you’re a bad mom?

How does the guilt go away?

My daughter is only 3 months old but whenever I do something I consider lacking or something that accidentally hurts her, I just want to cry out of frustration.

My husband laughs at me and asks me how would I feel when she is older and hurt herself, scrape her knee, or experience a broken heart?  I would cry.  Probably louder than she would.

But really, how do Moms stay upbeat during situations that make you want to beat yourself up?

Chocolates help, certainly.

Working keeps mind off the guilt, I suppose.

Playing with the baby, coaxing her to smile, tickling her feet.  Maybe they’d help you smile too and forget.

Until the next time it happens again.

What people didn’t put a lot of emphasis on when I was pregnant amidst all the advice I was given is this “I am such a bad mom. I wanna beat myself up.” feeling.  It is real and it sucks big time.

It helps to have a supportive partner who’d hug you, rub your back, and tell you things are going to be all right after you’ve done the same thing to your kid.

But really, help me out.  How can I be upbeat after beating myself up?

Is Being Fair Enough?

UPTOWN realtors

Nowadays, people are obsessed about being fair in all their dealings.  I am not saying it is not right because it is.  The question that bothers me is that, in this day and age, is being fair enough?

When I first joined our business, I was astounded at the salary given to our employees.  They were way more than the minimum wage.  Coming from the corporate world where everyone is asked to look for ways to save money for the company, I told my father that we can lower down the salary into the required minimum wage based on our city law and get bigger profit.  It is still fair, right?  But he vetoed me.  He said that these people deserve what they were getting.  My father was not just being fair, he was also being generous.  Until now, our business’ biggest expense is our employees but they also are part of the business’ success so I am no longer complaining.  In fact, I appreciate the lesson that was given to me.  Being fair is good.  But being generous, is a lot better.

We had misfortunes of having our cars “carnapped”, too.  Carnap is a term used in the Philippines for stealing vehicles.  One person rented a car and actually brought it to Mindanao without the intention of returning it.  The Highway Patrol Group were able to recover the car and my father had to fly to Mindanao to identify the car and to bring the people who stole the car back to our city so he can file charges.  It was a long trip via land and sea to bring the car from Mindanao back to our city and during that time, the women who were inside the vehicle already smelled and were uncomfortable because they did not have change of clothes. Being fair would have been my father just letting them suffer for what they did.  But gracious man that he is, he actually bought them clothes.  Yes, the same women who stole his car.

I have hundreds of stories like these so you know that I grew up with very generous parents.  They were not rich but they always give more than what is fair.  

My generosity has always been questioned.  People ask, why do you like giving gifts to others when they don’t even give gifts to you?  My answer is always:  Why not?  Giving gifts to others makes ME happy.  I know it makes them happy too but it makes ME happier so in a way I am doing it for myself and not for them to return the favor.  Being fair would mean giving others the same amount of gift they give to me.  But being gracious means not caring what I receive but caring more about what I give.

So if you ask me, is being fair enough?  No.  Not at all.

You will not touch people’s lives by being fair.  You will touch lives and inspire others, however, by being gracious, by being compassionate, by being generous.

And what good life is if you don’t inspire others or you don’t make them happy?  What kind of life is that?  And who would want to live a life like that?

The easiest way to make people happy and make yourself happy in return is to always, always give them more than what you think they deserve.  Regardless of the situation.

So starting now, don’t always think about being fair.  Think about being gracious, generous, and compassionate.

Then I promise you, the world will just find ways to reward you.

Dear Anti-Facebook Facebook Friends

Dear Anti-Facebook Facebook Friends,

I heard a lot of people say that they don’t like people who “overshare” in Facebook.

I have read a lot of articles that discuss this behavior too and the bottom line almost always is this: people who posts frequently in Facebook are losers.  

But, whoever asked you to follow these people anyway?

Who is crazier?  The ones who overshare in social media or the ones who actually follow these people and complain about it?

Food for thought, huh?

I really don’t mind seeing posts of my friends sharing their every day lives, the milestones they’ve reached, or even just mundane things like what they are currently wearing, watching, or eating.  I don’t mind because I think if it helps them feel better, why would I say anything against it?

I always have the choice to unfollow them if I feel like it annoys me but why would anyone’s “happiness” annoy anyone anyway?

Social media might not be for everyone.  But in this world, is this still something anyone can run away from?

There are different types of Facebook users.  There are those who do not want to post at all.  There are those who posts sporadically.  There are those who posts every day.  There are those who secretly spy on others’ posts.

You can be any of these type.  But you can’t be judgmental.

Let these “Facebook flooders” enjoy social media.  As long as they don’t hurt you, who cares if your timeline is flooded.  

When I watched Avenue Q, I was introduced to this German word “schadenfreude”.  It means “pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune.”  

Why can’t we create an antonym for that word?  To have pleasure derived from someone’s happiness?

We are in a world with so many tragic news and happenings, let’s not add to it by judging people who want to post what makes them happy.

So post away my dear Facebook friends.  I want to see your happy faces because in a way, it makes me happy, too.  It gives me pleasure to see good things happening in your lives because we all deserve that.  I love reading your anecdotes about your kids.  I like it that I am aware if you need help because I might be able to help.

And for you who think otherwise, if you think that your Facebook friend is doing something wrong like putting his/her security at risk, be a real friend and tell that person what can be done to avoid these things.

And don’t worry, even if you don’t like my post, I still like you. 🙂 like-button-png-2

Amazing Race