How can you not beat yourself up too much when you do things that make you feel like you’re a bad mom?

How does the guilt go away?

My daughter is only 3 months old but whenever I do something I consider lacking or something that accidentally hurts her, I just want to cry out of frustration.

My husband laughs at me and asks me how would I feel when she is older and hurt herself, scrape her knee, or experience a broken heart?  I would cry.  Probably louder than she would.

But really, how do Moms stay upbeat during situations that make you want to beat yourself up?

Chocolates help, certainly.

Working keeps mind off the guilt, I suppose.

Playing with the baby, coaxing her to smile, tickling her feet.  Maybe they’d help you smile too and forget.

Until the next time it happens again.

What people didn’t put a lot of emphasis on when I was pregnant amidst all the advice I was given is this “I am such a bad mom. I wanna beat myself up.” feeling.  It is real and it sucks big time.

It helps to have a supportive partner who’d hug you, rub your back, and tell you things are going to be all right after you’ve done the same thing to your kid.

But really, help me out.  How can I be upbeat after beating myself up?

Is Being Fair Enough?

UPTOWN realtors

Nowadays, people are obsessed about being fair in all their dealings.  I am not saying it is not right because it is.  The question that bothers me is that, in this day and age, is being fair enough?

When I first joined our business, I was astounded at the salary given to our employees.  They were way more than the minimum wage.  Coming from the corporate world where everyone is asked to look for ways to save money for the company, I told my father that we can lower down the salary into the required minimum wage based on our city law and get bigger profit.  It is still fair, right?  But he vetoed me.  He said that these people deserve what they were getting.  My father was not just being fair, he was also being generous.  Until now, our business’ biggest expense is our employees but they also are part of the business’ success so I am no longer complaining.  In fact, I appreciate the lesson that was given to me.  Being fair is good.  But being generous, is a lot better.

We had misfortunes of having our cars “carnapped”, too.  Carnap is a term used in the Philippines for stealing vehicles.  One person rented a car and actually brought it to Mindanao without the intention of returning it.  The Highway Patrol Group were able to recover the car and my father had to fly to Mindanao to identify the car and to bring the people who stole the car back to our city so he can file charges.  It was a long trip via land and sea to bring the car from Mindanao back to our city and during that time, the women who were inside the vehicle already smelled and were uncomfortable because they did not have change of clothes. Being fair would have been my father just letting them suffer for what they did.  But gracious man that he is, he actually bought them clothes.  Yes, the same women who stole his car.

I have hundreds of stories like these so you know that I grew up with very generous parents.  They were not rich but they always give more than what is fair.  

My generosity has always been questioned.  People ask, why do you like giving gifts to others when they don’t even give gifts to you?  My answer is always:  Why not?  Giving gifts to others makes ME happy.  I know it makes them happy too but it makes ME happier so in a way I am doing it for myself and not for them to return the favor.  Being fair would mean giving others the same amount of gift they give to me.  But being gracious means not caring what I receive but caring more about what I give.

So if you ask me, is being fair enough?  No.  Not at all.

You will not touch people’s lives by being fair.  You will touch lives and inspire others, however, by being gracious, by being compassionate, by being generous.

And what good life is if you don’t inspire others or you don’t make them happy?  What kind of life is that?  And who would want to live a life like that?

The easiest way to make people happy and make yourself happy in return is to always, always give them more than what you think they deserve.  Regardless of the situation.

So starting now, don’t always think about being fair.  Think about being gracious, generous, and compassionate.

Then I promise you, the world will just find ways to reward you.

Dear Anti-Facebook Facebook Friends

Dear Anti-Facebook Facebook Friends,

I heard a lot of people say that they don’t like people who “overshare” in Facebook.

I have read a lot of articles that discuss this behavior too and the bottom line almost always is this: people who posts frequently in Facebook are losers.  

But, whoever asked you to follow these people anyway?

Who is crazier?  The ones who overshare in social media or the ones who actually follow these people and complain about it?

Food for thought, huh?

I really don’t mind seeing posts of my friends sharing their every day lives, the milestones they’ve reached, or even just mundane things like what they are currently wearing, watching, or eating.  I don’t mind because I think if it helps them feel better, why would I say anything against it?

I always have the choice to unfollow them if I feel like it annoys me but why would anyone’s “happiness” annoy anyone anyway?

Social media might not be for everyone.  But in this world, is this still something anyone can run away from?

There are different types of Facebook users.  There are those who do not want to post at all.  There are those who posts sporadically.  There are those who posts every day.  There are those who secretly spy on others’ posts.

You can be any of these type.  But you can’t be judgmental.

Let these “Facebook flooders” enjoy social media.  As long as they don’t hurt you, who cares if your timeline is flooded.  

When I watched Avenue Q, I was introduced to this German word “schadenfreude”.  It means “pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune.”  

Why can’t we create an antonym for that word?  To have pleasure derived from someone’s happiness?

We are in a world with so many tragic news and happenings, let’s not add to it by judging people who want to post what makes them happy.

So post away my dear Facebook friends.  I want to see your happy faces because in a way, it makes me happy, too.  It gives me pleasure to see good things happening in your lives because we all deserve that.  I love reading your anecdotes about your kids.  I like it that I am aware if you need help because I might be able to help.

And for you who think otherwise, if you think that your Facebook friend is doing something wrong like putting his/her security at risk, be a real friend and tell that person what can be done to avoid these things.

And don’t worry, even if you don’t like my post, I still like you. 🙂 like-button-png-2

Amazing Race

Pain and living with it



It just comes.

Out of nowhere.

Knocking you out completely.

One moment you’re watching a romantic comedy movie, the next you’re trying very hard to stop yourself from crying because you’re alone and you don’t want to start something you’re afraid you won’t be able to stop.

Grief doesn’t really go away, right?

It’s just there.  Waiting to come out and exhausting your heart and mind in the process.

One moment you’re thinking about mundane things, the next you’re thinking how life can be so unfair that something so good has been taken away from you.

One moment, you wish you have more time to reply to emails, the next you’re thinking about what you would want to do had she still been alive.

One moment you are looking at your speech trophies, the next moment you remember that the reason you joined speech contests in the first place was to make her proud because you love to see her smile the moment you say “I won.”

One moment you’re nothing but a normal person who goes through daily tasks, the next you’re this really, really sad human being who cannot even imagine why this ever happened to you.

Or the reason of this all.

Because even if your faith tells you that there is a greater reason for things, that the reason is something you might not understand now, you can’t help but wish that maybe, it wouldn’t have been asking for too much if you were given more time with her.  Just more time to make more memories.  Because the memories are still not enough.  I long for more.

These thoughts, the sadness that goes with them, the type of feeling that rips your heart apart, they just come.


I know they’ll come still.  I know they won’t stop coming.  

And there will be pain.  

It’s just that, I think through time, we just learn how to control our feelings so that we think less about the pain and more about how we can be happy.

Because that’s what she would’ve wanted.

For me to be happy.

That’s what I’ll try to do.

Pain and all.